Lingering scent.

I feel that now is such an unearthly hour to be home and blogging infront of my lappy. Anyhooo, today's just a 2 hour lesson. So yup I'm back home to rest and later in the night, it's work again. I really hope I won't neglect my studies, so... I'll be going back for lectures from next week onwards. Buy more paper and print all my notes :) So yup, I will be in school on Friday 2PM for lecture! Damn.. Tomorrow's LABOUR DAY. Hmm, nothing special actually..

Sigh... I'm slowly starting to feel that school work is pouring in again. :( Sigh, though its like 3 modules, felt like there's never ending tutorials lei. ZZZ. I'm becoming more lethargic lately... But no matter what, I'm going to strive hard now. :) Got certain things to do in mind. Going to stay strong.. :) Speaking of strong.. I still haven't recovered from a week plus of sickness, closing on to 2 weeks. Having bad coughs... Especially when it's night time.. Somehow.. It's really really tiring and uncomfortable.. 'Cause it will jerk me out of bed in the midst of my beauty sleep. :( Bad..

Hmm.. Anyway, work had been rather manageable. Though I've been thinking that working there is actually doing more damage and harm not only to my health but also for my mind. It simply just won't go away.. 'Cause still whatever I do, it will still bloody freaking hell remind the shit out of you. It's like self tourment lei.. Sigh.. But all in all, I work to earn some extra income and experience. This night life thing is not that extreme yet actually. Until it has finally taken it's toll on me, then yup, I'll be over with it.

You know what, though I have made up my mind, I still fucking, fucking, fucking missed you.. Yet again, there's nothing I can do.. Every single time I'm just so unfair to myself.. I honestly don't want this to end just like that, I yearn for something more than this... Something better than this..... There's really nothing I can do........

Sigh, nevermind.

What else now?

Love from the programmers..

@ Akashi. YA TAH! :D PUI AH BENG! ME LUB YOU MUCHZXZXZX!

Ayeeeeeeeeee... why like to take picture when I'm so caught off guard!



WICKED! >:(

Lovelies :)

Pure retardation!



@ Blu Jaz with the girliesss.







Cheerios!

Erdinger white....

Erdinger.

I'm going to work sooooon, so I bet I won't have time to update. Why not now?

Anyway yesterday was a night out with the darling PROGRAMMERS(: to celebrate DARREN and TRACY'S birthday! HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY, OLD MAN! And happy belated 20th to Tracy ((: Was at Vivocity at 6 plus with Calvin, KB and Gugu to grab some serviets for the cake. Hmmm, I thought restaurants would provide proper plates and cutlery? But well, it was indeed a gooooood investment. You will know why later. DANGS. We waited for some off them to reach before we could order out food. Freaking hungry please. We settled for Akashi :D The food there is really good but seriously expensive :( For someone so broke like me. But worth the money la. After dinner, 2 slices of cake were sent in by Wesley for the birthday kiddos! (: Then a round of fruits came.. Then suddenly, A HUGE COFFEE CREAM CAKE CAME. Godddd. MADNESS BEGINS. Flying cream in a high class restuarant. I have something to announce. I STILL HATE FUAD. WAHLAO. It's not my freaking birthday(HINTS HINTS. FIVE MONTHS FROM YESTERDAY) and I got whacked, AGAIN. BY MR. RAJA FUAD! NAINAI! TMD. In addition with my make-up laaaa! GOD. ): I HATE YOU! BOO... NOW YOU KNOW WHY! The serviets really comes in handy, I used up like 1/5 of it to clear the cream off my face and hair. Luckily there wasn't any cream up my nose. If not I will NOT forgive that moron! And I smelt like CREAM AND COFFEE )): After that, we had some crazy cam whore sessions while on our way to pick MS. adorable sexy SHANNYYYY up from work at Bugis. And we all headed for a couple of drinks at Blu Jaz bar. Had a bottle of Erdinger and took bus 80 home. Can't believe I held my pee from Bugis all the way to Hougang. Yeah, got down at Hougang just to pee. I think I peed for like a minute or so? LOL. It was hell having to hold your pee for 45mins )): And yup took the last bus back to Sengkang. PHEW.... Yup that's last night ya'll.

Your favourite beer is Erdinger white..

Letting it go..

Here are some pictures of PISANGS(:





We all look sooo damn cute here!

Happy belated birthday to Lou and Jo-an :))

See the monkey right beside meee :)

So cuteeeee : p


PS: Today I'm fine without you..

Eighty.

Say Hello! to O'Bar. This is the place I'm going to work at very soon :) Hopefully it would be another fulfilling experience. Can't wait to start work actually, like this coming Sunday! I'm so gonna drown myself with work to get you off my head. NO, actually.. I AM COPING WELL WITH IT. But there are just somethings I can't help but think back. You know what are they? Yes... they are the memories you craved in me. I will never forget the things you've done, I'll still REMEMBER you.. Forget it.. Till I'm over this.

Today also marks another Pisang outing :) My almost 2 years camp buddies!! :D I'm truely amazed by what we are now. :)) Went down to Central for dinner in the evening. Was a bad idea 'cause everywhere was so freaking packed. We ended up having dinner at Pepper Lunch after so much considerations... LOL. -___- Hmmm. Next time, I die die die DIE must go Brewerkz or Iguana's Cafe. Lunar's in the list as well. And and and also Ebar or any other gay bar!! :x Bloody freaking many places I wanna go. ZZZ. Mountain turtle, yo! :p There's free entry for tertiary students at MOS today, but I didn't join them 'cause I swore to my 2 sisters to stop drinking for the time being. You guys better keep your promises too before I........... :) I swear I will......... YAY. Soooo proud of myself actually. Hee. So... I ended going home at 10PM. Freaking unearthly early! Hmmmm and so I took bus 80 home, the freaking one and a half hour journey. Set me thinking back.. Way back........

With you, it's more than just a long bus ride. Hmmm... I will never
have to feel cold 'cause there always used to be your warmth. It's gone.. All
gone.... Now, I'm always sitting by myself at the back of the bus, on the cold,
hard and uncomfortable seats.. My comfort zone no more.... No one to hug to
sleep on that long jouney.. Only the deafening music blarring for my Ipod to
keep me company... To think back now, every bus ride is like a guilt trip.. The
first to the last kiss... Why must every singe thing have to remind me of you... From the moment I wake up, when I'm having my meals, everywhere I go, whatever I
see, whatever I hear.. Your scent still lingers..... All I see now is the ghost
of you and me.. How do you ever forget, how can I ever forget.... But you're
never coming back, I know...

The last, goodbye.


I'm so over it. :)

Better off this way..

You held my hand and walked me home, I don't know
Why you gave me that kiss
It was something like this and made me go ooh ooh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears
Why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love
Guys are so hard to trust

Did I not I tell you that I'm not like that girl,
the one who, who gives it all away, yeah, oh, oh

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin' I was gonna do, and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do
Don't try to tell me what to say
You're better off that way, yeah

Don't think that you're charm
And the fact that your arm is now around my neck
Will get you in my pants, I'll have to kick your ass
And make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop
Though I liked you a lot
But I'm really upset (I'm really upset)
Get out of my head, get off of my bed
Yeah, that's what I said

Did I not I tell you that I'm not like that girl,
The one who throws it all away

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin' I was gonna do, and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do
Don't try to tell me what to say
You're better off that way, yeah

This guilt trip that you put me on
Won't mess me up, I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin' I was gonna do, and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do
Don't try to tell me what to say
You're better off that way, yeah

Better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway

Tired.

忘记你说你会继续还是要结束
分开时只管哭我是否太迷糊
你是否仍在乎
等的太久不想继续也不愿结束
分开使我走出最遥远的旅途
最缓慢的脚步

I'm still freaking sick. Every morning I wake up, I literally feel like crap. Hoarse throat and a stuffy nose. Sucks.. Things are getting worse everyday I guess. Seriously don't know how long I can keep up with this. This semester's timetable isn't doing me any good either.. There's literally too much spare time now.. What I really need now is something to keep my mind off. We always want what we can't have. I used to complain that school was such a bitch, just look at me now. I want to go to school, but I only have 3 modules. Boo. I wonder how my new class is going to be like.. Should be exciting enough to let me sit back and watch someeee shows, hopefully I don't get dragged in either. Hmmm, I was also thinking lately, I quit the band at the wrong time.. Now I'm super duber free. YAWNS. But I also don't wish to go back now as all of my band friend aren't there, except for 1 or 2. Hmmmm ): Just pray that I get the jobs.. So I can work 3.1 away. Yeppp. Just keep trying. (: I'm starting to lose senses, when will it regain. I'm forever picking up the pieces.. The day when I stop picking up is the day I lose faith.. So... There's still hope for me... It's so hard right now... The moment any sad song plays, all I think is you. Every single thing I do, it reminds me of you. It just starts from the moment I wake up.... Till the moment I lay my head to rest.. With tears literally soaking up my pillow.... I don't want to cry anymore.

And all I ever wanted was for you to know..
Everything I do I give my heart and soul..
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me..

Holiday..

2R01'S CHALET 070408 - 090408

Absolute Vanilla :)

J spasms strikes again! Gna miss you two :(



Yay fats -__-

Take your clothes offfff!



Smile like you mean it.

Cosy up love, it's raining :)



Thanks R01 :) Nice knowing you guys. Take care!

SAMANTHA'S CHALET 120408 - 140408

:p



PROGRAMMERS :)))

FRESHMAN ORIENTATION 170408 - 180408

After Regatta with Jacq love :) WETNESS.


Last..

Why does every moment have to be so hard...?

Don't tell me.

It ended today, but..

Sometimes you can't make it on your own..

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I... that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need... I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

):

I'm so drained, it's the last week of the holidays and yet again I let myself drown in my own insanity. I had enough of crying.. I had enough of myself.. I had enough of everything. I'm literally sick and tired. Lost my voice, and lost my mind. It's really hard. What you THINK you can really do, is really different from what you CAN do. When the impact hits you hard right in the head and your heart, it hurts so bad... You just don't know what to do.. I don't. Sometimes I think so hard till I literally break all my thoughts to the ground. I break down. "Is it worth it Jolene?" they asked me.. Hurt is inevitable.. If you can't take it, then don't. Why turn your back on me.. You think leaving me to hang here is easy? Fuck, I've been hanging on to so many ropes I just don't even understand why I even bother to when I could just fucking let go. It's not easy not easy NOT EASY.. ): You never understand. What I've told you eventually fell on deaf ears.. Honestly I can tell you, I can never make it on my own..... )': I'm sorry. I'm sorry to the people.. I really am.. Sorry, I'm sorry...

On a lighter note, I still want to thank the programme committee for the countless efforts put in to make this orientationa a bloody freaking success! I'm really sorry I had been bumming around and so oblivious to my surroundings, without you guys, Business wouldn't have won for the 4th time (: So cheerios to all! 4x CHAMPION, 4 TROPHIES :) So proud of my school. Yipey.

Okay, I need to turn in 'cause I'm running a fever again, and the flu, sore throat, cough seriously is the killer for me. Imagine cheering when you have that kind of nasty throat. ZZZ. So I'm voiceless, don't bother talking to me. Good night. Great Poly Garage Sales later, see ya guys :)

说爱我好不好
就当作是乞讨
哪怕说出口只需要一秒
你都不要..

HAHA.

Sorry I'm still awake reading my past entries, and I thought this was freaking funny. The other day while waiting for Gabriel to get a cab, I was holding on to my keys. Then he said my keys looked like car keys, but it looked like that 'cause it has a holder on it. And so... I was reading back this post, and I started laughing to myself! It's so freaking funny lar! To me that is. HAHA.

June 2007,
"Then there was this toys sales at the atrium. Then also had those 'tong' 1dollar coin machines? Ya, we saw this very adorable key holder keychain. HAHAH. And we decided to try our luck to get the character we want. I went first. And I got Pooh! Not so bad. Felfel wanted some cat character luh. Wah.... her reaction was damn funny when she got it can!? She's damn lucky luh. SHE SCREAMED AT MY FACE AND TO THE ENTIRE MALL. My face don't know throw where alr. LOL~!! Damn retarded!! So last it was Felii's turn... She wanted Stitch. So she turn... COME OUT REALLY STITCH, instead of her screaming, FELFEL SCREAM AT MY FACE AGAIN! HAHAHAH! Everyone was practically staring at us -___-" I was so damn embarrassed. HAHAHAH~ OMG. HAHA. I can't stop thinking about it."

HAHAHAHA. Oh my, what will I do with the both of you seriously! MISS YOU BOTH :)

Mon Coeur.

You guys MUST be thinking, "WAH LAO EH! finally you change blogskin lar!" HAHA, right? So much for putting up with my puny font sized blogskin :D Much appreciated. I've decided to use blogger's premade template for a change. It's so damn user friendly :D

Oh yeah, finally I'm back from today's event ah. Wishing SAMSAM a happy 21st birthday! :D HEE. Seriously, I think the 2 months holiday will always NEVER, seriously NEVER FAIL to make me FAT lar. All through holiday, I've been like binge eating in chalets, bbqs and outings. Seriously NOT helping at all. But oh wells, I'll eventually give in to good food! Met Calvin and Darren to go down to the chalet. We walked from White Sands in a god damn humid weather and I was just drenched in my own pespiration! ZZZ. Hmm, today's buffet at Sam's chalet was really great. Cheerios to the you tiao looking fish cake with mayo!!! Highlight for the night was the friggin' awesome CHOCOLATE FONDUE, baby!!! Oh yes, FUAD, I HATE YOU LAR. Not my birthday also got smashed by cake! ZZZZ. LOL. Later at SL tea party SURE die man. ZZZ. Why did I even say Liverpool will LOSE?! LOL. Anyway... They made a horredous amount of liquor concoction after dinner! LOL. My stomach just feels funny after so many different kinds and amounts of liquor entering it. Whiskey, Vodka, Jim Bean, Barcardi, stout, beer, white wine!!! BRRRR.... Scary. Sadly....I was not a tad tipsy at all! :D Not baddddddd. Normally I'd be gone with just a few cups. LOL. Darren was damnnnnn funny. He gets so red and silly when he's high. Got sun, he'll turn red.. No sun, ALSO turn red! HAHA. Lucky he went home! If not he'd be a goner at the chalet. Damn funny lar, he became part of the joke for the night. Heh. Kannan sent me off to the bus stop.. had a heart to heart talk with him.. Hmmmm.. Sigh. I'm sorry. ): That's all I can say now.

Hmm, later later later, school school school! Hope it will be an eventful one! And maybe steamboat for dinner with the programmers! WOOPHEY. I've been missing out so much lei. Didn't even go to a single meeting after camp! LOL. See how lar huh :) Ok! Updates sooooon :) OH YESSSS, upcoming events ah.
14 April - SL TEA PARTY
16 April - MEETING MY 2 BABIES :D
17 & 18 April - WEEK ZERO, orientation for freshies!
19 April - Great Poly Garage Sales @ GEYLANG :D (If you wna drop by, please tell me! garage sales lei!!! :D Many nice nice things on sale!)
21 April - KAI XUE LOHHHHH!
22 April - HAPPY HOUR!!! :DDDD
WAHHHHS. Jam packed. Sian, wish to meet nappalli soon lar!
BYEEE........!!

I didn't mean to say all those, I'm taking it back.

Damn it!

My freaking obsession! DESPERATE NEEDS.




BAGS WALLETS SHOES APPARELS
ZZZZ. Friggin' shit, money pls drop down from the sky!!!!! :(

GABRIEL EDWIN NAPPALLI, you made better days :)
You are the sun in my universe and the smile in my heart..

RanDOM

My little family of program babies :)
I missed our little 3-20 classroom where we do almost everything in there, inclusive of loading, unloading, packing, working, eating and sleeping. 3-20 reeks of us programmers. And well, we've practically seen each other's unglam-est moments. I missed having to stay up with all of you guys just to keep the camp programmes and everything in pace. It's really amazing how all of us can stick to each other and really have each other's back. Thank God for these wonderful people who have entered my life and also given a chance to be someone different :) Damn I'm so random.
HEARTS TO; KB, Calvin, KK, Darren, Kannan, Fuad, Gerald, Keagen, Shawn, Gugu, Daniel, Cheryl, Samsam, Sharyl, Woonyah, Vanesa, Pearlyn, Xuan, Kandis, Tracy, Vivien, Shan, Samantha, Wesley and Kokguan :)
P R O G R A M M E R S O F 2 0 0 8

Feel like spilling some thoughts now..
Lately, I felt I have lost someone important in my life.. Was it a moment of folly? Or was it just fated to end in this way.. That everything happened for a reason. Maybe it was really my fault? Sigh, whatever it is.. I really feel sorry for this person for whatever I've done to upset him. But I really don't deserve his treatment now. It's only fair to respect what I want. I can frankly say that I have been there for him through thick and thin... I did feel appreciated for whatever I've done for him whenever he thank me, not through words but just somehow I can read his mind.. But now, everything had seemed to lose its meanings.. Even the most important part of friendship, I can't seem to comprehend now.. To actually think that he would be there like how I used to be whenever he was going through that super hard phase of his life.. He proven me wrong.... Sometimes, one really shouldn't live in their own assumptions. Sometimes they just get obliviously blinded by all their assumptions, they are too deaf to even listen to others. Not even the simplest word or blessing, all that reek was jealousy.... I'm so damn disappointed. Things didn't have to turn out this way... Though I admit, I really sometimes do not know what I really want, but the simplest thing to have from you was YOUR SUPPORT... I've got none from your side... This is the saddest peak of our friendship, and maybe it should end like this..? ): Sigh.... Time, I gave in to it.. But it never gave in to me.. It's running out.. Doesn't really matter, I'm moving along now.. Let it be a past then..

I feel so sorry for Mummy, for having to throw my rotten temper at her. The only person to receive my rotten temper had to be her, not my friends or anyone else, but my MUMMY. I'm such a disgrace to the family. The freaking black SHE sheep. Yet through all this shit, she still put up with my freaking temper. I didn't realise how awfully unfilial I was to her until Gabriel told me. I can't even make her happy for just ONE freaking day. All I do is raised my voice, talk back and fight for my own rights. Somehow I just feel that she just doesn't trust me, she's just too over protective and that I don't know how to take care of myself.. It's for my own good, but I'm just blinded by the fact that she doesn't TRUST me ): The freaking big word again. Until the day when she's finally gone, then will I learn. SIGH. I always do it the hard way. But seriously, I NEED MY SPACE ): I hope things get better. I know you know I'm your good girl...... I'll be better... ): If only I could convey my thoughts into actions to prove it to you, that I REALLY CARE FOR YOU.

I haven't seen my BESTFRIEND for half a year.. She had seriously gone with the winds. Was it my fault that I never really took the initiative? Or should I put the blame on her career..? NO. All in all... I blame nobody, but myself... I remembered your words Feli. :) I will never hurt anyone else, I never will. But the only living thing I would is myself... So my bestfriend, where have you been.. Things had pretty much changed... I feel the horrible distance in between.. So much for that, both of lives have most probably made drastic changes. You'd be horrified to find out what a person I've become. But somethings in me will never change for you. You know it. I really am the same old Jolene you used to know 7 years ago.. This is for you to keep in memory. What about you? Sigh... This is pointless talking to myself about you, when I don't even initiate to open up. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me having to just pick my phone up just to ask how are you... I freaking have no guts. Actually last Chirstmas I did. Think it sorta backfired ): Sigh... And so I never tried. Yet again, time never waits for me... I'm moving along now..

So many things I have yet to keep reminding myself never to look back. The tendency to turn around... I'm so vulnerable.. Remember what I told you, if you ever have to leave me one day.. Don't stay but just walk away. Leave without a trace.. I don't wna turn around to see you standing there. I would never leave this way... Please remember that, okay baby?

Hurt is inevitable....

Chalet aftermath.

HOTDOGS. OTAHS. BUFFALO WINGS. SAMBAL STINGRAY.
Never imagined how scary these foods are.
I'm suffering from indigestion, and everything that goes into my mouth tastes pretty much like crap.
Dousing myself in hot tea and eno. ZZZ...
I swear never to over eat if there's another BBQ ): MY BAD.
Tell you guys something random, I ate otah and bread at 2AM in the morning. While playing mahjong at 9AM, I burped everything out. This meant, my food never got digested at all. AWFULLY GROSS.

Now I'm feeling fucking crappy. URG.
Anyway, thanks 2R01 :))

Short.

Hmm, feeling kinda wasted everyday. I'm seriously getting lazier to update. Hee. Many events had just past. And tomorrow, no later is going to be 2r01's class chalet :D Whooopeyy. SL camp had just past too, and it seriously felt so damn good. All the memories, hardship and friends I've meet and met are so worthwhile. Especially getting to know more about my adorable PROG COMM. They are they world! They are my love! I personally felt that they impacted a certain part of me, all the friendships and hardships we went through together as one committee :) Thank you PROGRAM!! :) HMM... SL tea party and Sam's chalet is coming up too!

School's reopening in like 2 weeks time too, damn that's fast. And the last piece of news to all, I'm leaving TP band :( Breaks my heart to say this, but I guess it's time to settle down for my studies. I'm leaving most probably before school reopens. God knows how many practices I have missed and I'm just so oblivious to what's happening in band now. Oh! I forgot to congratulate the new comm members too :) Work hard guys. Hope to hear more of the band. Good luck for the competition all! Saxy poots! I miss you guys real bad, sorry I can't be there and all but still, all the best :) Yup. Hurts to even listen to band music now. :( My band journey had just ended.. Okay, I have yet to hit the sack! Good night. NAPPALLI BIG BABY, you are being missed! :)

Theatre Music (Movement 2) is playing on repeat...

blown away.

♥ who wants to be ordinary, in a crazy mixed up world.